Spiritual bypassing: part 1
Spiritual practice has always been a central focus in my life, even from a very young age. I can remember lying in bed as a little girl after my bath, smelling like Jergan’s lotion, listening to myself breathe, and wondering if that was the sound of God within me.
Born and raised in the Christian church, I was immersed in a tradition that emphasized having quiet time, reading the Bible, praying, worshiping, serving in church, and tithing. I diligently engaged in all these disciplines just like so many people I admired. They provided me with valuable skills that I still use today. Although my practices have evolved and expanded, their roots lie in these early experiences. Through them, I learned to connect with something greater than myself and discovered the importance of community. We often circled up and prayed, recognizing that some challenges are better faced together.
I also noticed that neglecting these disciplines led to a sense of funk, while faithfully practicing them gave me a buoyancy—a lift in my spirits and energy.
I got the message that these practices were my duties to perform to be loved, to atone for my sins, and to remain part of the group that loved and cared for me. I believed that I needed to do these things to have something valuable to offer, and that without them, I was missing the mark. This mindset taught me to avoid emotional difficulties, sidestep psychological wounds, and delay my development into maturity.
when spiritual practices are used to avoid difficult emotions and developmental tasks, this is called spiritual bypassing.
Spiritual bypassing is a defense mechanism used to avoid uncomfortable emotions or difficult aspects of ourselves by focusing solely on spiritual ideas or practices. John Welwood, an author, teacher, and psychotherapist coined the tern in 1984 when he noticed his clients and students seemed to hide behind spiritual concepts to avoid pain. It involves using spirituality as a way to escape, deny, or invalidate challenging feelings or situations. While spiritual beliefs and practices can be beneficial, spiritual bypassing can hinder our growth and self-awareness by masking unresolved issues instead of addressing them directly. It is important to cultivate a balanced approach to spirituality that includes acknowledging and working through our emotional challenges. We use spiritual bypassing by using certain concepts and language to build up our egos rather than transcend them.
Here’s a few ways to spot spiritual bypassing:
Suppressing difficult emotions by focusing only on positive thinking
Avoiding facing personal issues by seeking constant spiritual experiences
Not trusting yourself to make decisions that differ from your spiritual community
Using spiritual practices or beliefs to bypass dealing with real-world problems
You know what? Spiritual bypassing is also a very normal part of any spiritual path. It’s not problem if it is stop on a lifelong journey.
It needs to be outgrown.
Like most things, spiritual bypassing’s most negative impacts are in relationships. I’ll talk about that in part 2 as well as a few ideas on what to do about it.
Have you ever been caught or impacted by spiritual bypassing? Let me know! I’d love to hear your story.