embarrassing invitations
Who out there is working on boundaries? I sure am. Boundaries are like guest lists for a party—everyone is welcome, but there are rules. They help us protect our personal space, letting in energy that lift us up and keeping out negativity. Think of boundaries as friendly bouncers who allow only helpful energy into your life. By setting boundaries, we express our needs, fostering real relationships. Embrace your boundaries; they are not obstacles, but invitations to a respectful and loving life.
I was driving home from the gym after an early workout. There’s nothing quite like the the cool morning air and warm Colorado sunshine. As I entered my neighborhood, I felt relaxed enjoying my music. One of our neighbors has some overgrown bushes that block the view around the corner. As I turned, I saw another neighbor walking down the street. I was too close to them, which startled us both. I waved, made eye contact, and slowed down. I felt shaken, so I wrote them a note later that day to apologize and promised to be more careful at that corner. Since then, the neighbor hasn’t made eye contact with me. Whenever I try to wave or connect, they move on without acknowledging me. I feel ignored. I understood at first, but this has continued all summer.
That neighbor is walled off and out of connection, which is a boundary that is too strict.
This weekend, we went to a concert in a fun, barn-like venue in Colorado. It was an acoustic set with a pretty big crowd. My husband and I have loved this artist for years, we fell in love and raised our kids listening to him. As the music played, we sang along softly and many in the crowd did too. I noticed a woman in front of me looking back a few times, but I wasn’t really focused on her. Later, she turned around and loudly shushed us, saying, "Shush please, don’t sing. We came to hear him” (with big, expressive hand waving), “not you!” Now, I am definitely one to sing along, my family has informed me of how embarrassing this can be for them, my husband especially. I took the feedback and contained myself a bit more. I was surprised by her reaction, as it seemed too much given the fun atmosphere of the concert.
This is an example of a lack of boundaries on her part and mine.
These interactions upset me. I’m trying to see the message in upsetting situations so I can be a student of my own life. I'm working on setting healthy boundaries without becoming too distant. The neighbor incident made me consider if I'm too guarded in relationships, especially with those genuinely trying to improve and connect with me. I see a pattern of rejecting their offers and staying emotionally closed off, which stings.
The concert invitation had two points. Boundaries are meant to keep some parts of myself in and other things out. I felt embarrassed when the woman asked us to stop singing. I was upset by her harsh words and gestures. As I sat there trying to collect myself, I noticed the invitation. It is okay to make a request, but there's no need to be shaming or excessive. I realize I do this too. Boundaries can be held without being closed off, allowing for acceptance of the invitation. I did not want to intrude on her experience, or be put down, or be entitled to have everything my own way.
Everyone and everything can teach us. Moving from upset to understanding takes mindfulness and boundaries.
In times of distress, setting boundaries and practicing mindfulness can be transformative tools for emotional well-being. When upsetting situations arise, it’s essential to recognize your limits and communicate them clearly to others. This self-awareness fosters a healthier environment and protects your mental space. Mindfulness, on the other hand, encourages you to remain present and observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment. By integrating these strategies, you create a buffer against overwhelming emotions, enabling you to respond thoughtfully rather than reactively. Embrace the practice of boundaries and mindfulness as a means to navigate challenging circumstances with resilience and clarity.
How do you move from upset to understanding?
When do you tend to be walled off or have a lack boundaries?
Learning to set healthy boundaries and practicing mindfulness can improve your relationships and overall well-being. Therapy focused on boundaries helps you express your needs, protect your personal space, and build better relationships. You'll learn to say no without guilt and handle conflicts more effectively, promoting respect and understanding.
Mindfulness helps you stay present and aware of your thoughts and feelings. Practicing mindfulness reduces stress, improves emotional control, and increases self-awareness, allowing you to notice when your boundaries are crossed and respond thoughtfully.
A New Way provides a supportive space to explore these ideas. In therapy, I will guide you with strategies and exercises to incorporate boundaries and mindfulness into your life. Take the first step toward a more balanced, fulfilling life. Embrace the chance to learn, grow, and reconnect with yourself and others. Contact me to schedule your session and start your journey toward healthier relationships and peace of mind.